


Every time I don't show it (I owe it to you)

by stallis



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Beaches, Day At The Beach, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Night At The Beach?, One Shot, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Sea, Short & Sweet, Sweet, Zhanyi, but it's night, gays in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:55:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27947165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stallis/pseuds/stallis
Summary: It felt natural, like it has always been like that. It felt right. It felt good.He thought he could do it so many times with him. And so, he will.
Relationships: Jian Yi/Zhan Zhengxi (19 Days)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	Every time I don't show it (I owe it to you)

**Author's Note:**

> i just freaking love their dynamics ♥
> 
> hope i have been loyal to it.

They were seating at the sand, Mo Guan Shan and He Tian by their side, the night's breeze hitting their faces. 

It was at these times, these not-so-quiet times where he would just hear the boys talking, that Zhan Zheng Xi lost himself in thoughts. Not only thoughts, he would enter this state of mind where he is just... there. Where he appreciates the moment, the company of the others, the beauty of the place. 

He would think of many things: the life, the meaning of things, Jian Yi. And this one is where he spends most of his time. 

It's hard not to think about Jian Yi when all of his days have a part where the other enters it. Not that he's complaining, he likes it. He likes to wipe things off Jian Yi's face when they're eating together. He likes to walk by his side when they're leaving class. He likes to watch him do his homework when they're at his place. 

He likes it when Jian Yi chooses him to be his company. He likes it when he's putting a bun. He likes it when he's a tease. 

Yeah, he likes all of it. And it is by liking those things that Zhan Zheng Xi gets all worried about it. Because it is at the point where his heart escapes a beat every time he likes a thing about Jian Yi. 

And all the little things he does like how he compulsively fixes his hair when he is nervous in front of people; how he always will genuinely laugh about his own jokes; how he always wears Zheng Xi's coat after they have their late-night games. 

Yeah. He is always observing, watching him by distance or by closeness. And it is at these times, when he is observing, that he realizes how his life doesn't make sense without Jian Yi in it. 

They've always been together, that even imagining being apart sounds absurd. Jian Yi and Zhan Zheng Xi are a thing that can't be separated. 

And this is a big thing to realize. Zheng Xi doesn't even know what to do with this information. So, he does nothing about it. He just lets it be. 

See where it takes them. 

"Guys, let's go for a walk!" Jian Yi exclaimed, excited as he always is, while getting up from the sand. 

"On the fucking beach? At night?!" Guan Shan is the first one to complain. 

"Yeah, the moon is bright enough to see and I think it's cool... to walk by the beach, you know? You guys coming?" Jian Yi said, hopeful. 

"No." Guan Shan answered, short. 

"Well, I'll have to stay to look out for Momo then. Sorry." Said He Tian. 

"Shut up, you can go wherever the fuck you want, I don't need a goddamn nanny." 

"Don't wanna and don't care." Teased He Tian receiving a middle finger from Guan Shan. 

"Okay guys, I get it. Shiu." Said Jian Yi, impatient. "Xixi, you're coming with me, right?" He asked, a visible pout forming on his face. 

How can Zhan Zheng Xi say no to that? He could never. So, no need of words, he just got up and stood by Jian Yi's side, this one forming a big smile on his face. 

"Yes! So, we're going. You two can fuck around for all I care, bye~!" Said Jian Yi, taking Zheng Xi by the hand with him. 

"We'll meet at the house." Affirmed Zheng Xi before being dragged by the other. 

"We can go all the way down the beach, I heard from some people yesterday that it has some beautiful rocks there, we should see it, right?" Jian Yi said after they left the other two behind, once again looking excited. 

"Do you think we can make it 'till there? Isn't it a little far?" 

"No, it's not. I am sure we can go there." 

"Who had this stupid idea?!" Jian Yi grumbled while taking lazy steps. They were almost at the end of the beach but it seemed like Jian Yi was already very tired. 

"C'mon Jian Yi, we're almost there." Said Zheng Xi, trying to make the other move. They were now standing still in the middle of the beach. 

"I can't take it, Xixi. Go without me." Jian Yi said dramatically with his hands on his knees. 

"Stop it, let's go. The big rocks are right there." Zheng Xi took Jian Yi by the arm and started carrying him towards the end. "You should exercise more." 

"More?! Our games aren't enough already?" He said in a high-pitched voice. 

"We only do it one time per week, Jian Yi." 

"Isn't it enough?!" He insisted, looking dreadfully serious at Zheng Xi. The last just laughed softly and kept walking, side by side with Jian Yi. 

They kept going like this, arms still linked, until they reached a set of big and beautiful rocks. It is like they were very carefully designed to be the way they were. Some were kind of curious ones; some were so beautiful that it seemed like a sculpture itself. The whole place is beautiful. Yeah, nature is perfect. 

The moment they entered the scene, Jian Yi forgot about his tiredness and became the sparky boy he is again. 

"Look Xixi, this one looks like a chair!" He laughed, running to the mentioned rock and sitting at it. The place was almost covered by the sea because of the tide so it was kind of dangerous being at some corners. Zheng Xi is on alert. 

"Careful, ok?" He said while following the other. 

"Yeah, yeah." Jian Yi agreed, not really interested in listening Zheng Xi's advice. "See, the waves are shining because of the moon!" He pointed to them. "So beautiful!" 

Zheng Xi looked to them and went lost inside himself again. Leaning on the rock Jian Yi was seated, he stared to his friend. Just like the waves, Jian Yi was shining. No, he was glowing. His eyes reflected the moon and the sea, the stars just upon his gaze. His cheeks were illuminated by the pale light and his hair. His hair is Zheng Xi's favourite part of Jian Yi. 

How it would blow with the salt air and how it glowed with every move. The few strands that were falling on his face, how he would mindlessly put them behind the ear. And Jian Yi would stand there, gracefully with his own presence, the moon itself envying his incredulous beauty. 

He was talking but Zheng Xi wasn't listening. Trapped in his state of admiration, he didn't realize when Jian Yi stopped. He turned around to look at him, frowning and confused, when Zheng Xi finally came back to the world. 

"Are you okay, Xixi?" He asked, voice hesitating. 

"Yes, I am." He just replied and walked to seat by his side. "What were you saying?" 

"I was saying that... it's sad we can't see much right now. You know, it's not very clear." He answered, but not very convinced yet. 

"We can come back here tomorrow." 

"Ok." 

"Yeah, ok." And they fell on silence. 

Jian Yi was now looking at his feet, swinging them in the air. He seemed far away in thought, just like Zheng Xi was seconds ago. It looked like he's uncertain of something, thinking too hard of it. Zheng Xi could see it on the curve of his eyebrow. 

"I love your hair." All of a sudden, Zheng Xi said. He felt the urge of it, to let him know how beautiful he was, to touch his hair, to caress his face. It is becoming too much, this thing growing inside of him, in his throat. Jian Yi looked at him, but again, he said nothing. 

Zheng Xi was helpless. Those curious, wonderful eyes looking at him, scanning him, analyzing him, just like he always does to Jian Yi. Zheng Xi didn't want to let it escape again, his growing desire to let Jian Yi know. He just needs him to know. 

With these endless feelings on his chest guiding him, he let his hand run through the soft hair. So soft hair. He took off the bun and watched as the big strands fell on his shoulder and his face. Jian Yi looked unreal, wonderful. Zheng Xi asked himself so many times why Jian Yi would always wear his hair up in a ponytail, but now he knows. It was too beautiful for this bold, unworthy world to see. 

He couldn't stop his hands from touching everywhere, to the head until his shoulders. He combed his hair with his hands, Jian Yi always looking, doing nothing. Until he turned around and hid his face. 

"Stop it." He said, voice low. 

"Why?" 

"I don't like people touching my hair." He was still looking down, never his eyes. 

"But you let me." 

And he was silent again. But Zheng Xi was certain of something: he wouldn't let it happen again. He couldn't. He won't. 

So, he stood up in front of him and carefully took his face in his hands. But Jian Yi wouldn't look at him. 

"Jian Yi." For a brief moment, he saw the light in his eyes. He approached. Jian Yi stood still. With no complaint, he took a step closer. And finally, after so many times, so many years, after so many chances and so many want to, he finally closed their distance. 

Once again, he was lost somewhere away from the real world. But this time was different, it felt different. His lips were hot and now wet, because he could feel the tear falling from Jian Yi's eye. So, he put more pressure, to reaffirm him that this was no joke, no lie. 

He moved his lips softly against Jian Yi's and he could feel it. He could feel it all. His breath hitting his face, his chest going up and down, his mouth trembling, uneasy. He could feel Jian Yi. All his feelings, all his so long-awaited desires. He knew of them, but he never felt it like this. 

Jian Yi broke the kiss and eagerly hugged him, griping at his shirt so hard he thought it would tear apart. And he felt again, now physically on his skin. The tears wetting his shirt, the force coming from those delicate hands. His long-awaited love. 

Zheng Xi embraced him with no wait. He let Jian Yi have his moment. 

"Why now, Xixi?" He asked in a broken voice. It hit Zheng Xi in the heart and he had to breathe in after a long pause. 

"I wasn't ready." 

Jian Yi looked up and something inside those eyes looked so hurt that it felt like a knife cutting through him. 

"You are too precious for me, Jian Yi. I thought I would do something wrong; I don't know. I don't know how it works, how this should be. I-I thought..." 

"You should've let me know." Jian Yi said, this time no crack in his voice. 

"I'm sorry." Zheng Xi took his face once again and wiped off the tears. He wanted to see that beautiful smile of Jian Yi's. "I will do better from now on. Okay? I will learn how to make you happy." 

Jian Yi chuckled. "You already make me happy, Zhan Zheng Xi." 

"So do you." And it's there. Those bright teeth, that perfect curve of his mouth. One of his favourites things to observe, was Jian Yi to smile. He would do it for hours. 

"Can we kiss again?" He took Zheng Xi's hands and put them on his own hips, while he asked innocently. 

Zheng Xi gave him a little smile and did it. He took Jian Yi lips with his and tasted the other's flavour. This one was different from the other, it was much deeper and more meaningful; this one came with a promise: to always have each other by the side. 

It felt like a slow dancing, where two lovers mirrored each other's move like they were the same. Like they were in perfect harmony. He let their tongues touch, a shy touch, and then they began to move them together. Zheng Xi brought Jian Yi closer by his hips and connected their bodies, finally. 

It felt natural, like it has always been like that. It felt right. It felt good. 

He thought he could do it so many times with him. And so, he will. 

"Now you accept me, Xixi?" Jian Yi asked, head laying on Zheng Xi's shoulder. They’ve been like that for minutes. 

Zhan Zheng Xi tightened his grip around Jian Yi and while kissing the other's hair, he whispered: "I always have, Jian Yi."

**Author's Note:**

> first time posting a fic in English, hope i didn't make many mistakes.
> 
> praise zhanyi
> 
> ♥


End file.
